TV Christmas Movie Roundup
It took me a while to get into the holiday spirit this year, so I didn’t feel ready for holiday-related programming until a few days ago. Instead, I DVR’d a bunch of made-for-TV Christmas movies to watch during Social Distance Christmas. I’m glad I did. If you just want light romance to watch while eating through the treat tower your aunt sent you, you could do worse. But I thought it might be fun to write up the ones I watched. There were six. So here we go:
One Royal Holiday (Hallmark)
Why I DVR’d It: Aaron Tveit and Laura Osnes; both are Broadway stars and I was curious to see if they’d sing. (Is that them singing the opening credits song?)
Tveit plays humorless Prince James Gallant of Galwick. He has a British accent, and even though his father is dead, he is not the king for some reason. Osnes plays a nurse in an alternate universe where COVID is not a thing.
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? Boston, and they end up at an inn in Connecticut.
The meet cute: There’s a blizzard on the way. For reasons that are not clear, the Queen and Prince James leave Boston and stop at a donut shop that is totally not a Dunkin in the suburbs. There they run into Anna (Osnes) who is on her way to her father’s inn. Even though the blizzard has not started, fear of the blizzard is so strong that the highways into Boston have been closed and the royals can’t get to the airport. This begs the question of why they are in the suburbs, but no matter, everything works out because Anna’s father owns this inn in Connecticut. So the queen, prince — and their royal… assistant? Body man? Not clear, but the actor playing him is very handsome — all pile into Anna’s car and off to CT they go. When they arrive, we meet Anna’s father and her childhood BFF Sarah, who is also the mayor of this town.
(I don’t buy that the roads closed before it even starts snowing, and I say that as a former resident of Massachusetts. When I lived there, conditions had to be near apocalyptic before anything would close. “Oh, it looks like Hoth during a blizzard outside? Eh, I’ve got chains on the tires, I’m good.”)
Do they sing? Yes, a little! There’s a roving band of carolers in Victorian garb that keep showing up to lead people in song.
Romance is in the air: James is insufferable at first, but Anna quickly starts to see that he’s uptight because he feels the weight of ruling a nation on his shoulders. Meanwhile, Sarah the Mayor and Christopher the royal assistant guy are making eyes at each other, and Anna’s dad and the cook at the inn clearly have a thing.
Defying the laws of New England weather, it barely snows at all the first day, but overnight the blizzard “swings back around” and dumps enough snow on this small town to snow them all in for a few days, so the royals are stuck at the inn in this little New England town that takes Christmas very seriously. The Magic of Christmas begins to crack James’s hard shell, and he and Anna bond over the fact that they’ve both lost a parent. Also, Anna wears a lot of cute coats.
Does it snow? It snows. Mostly off screen, but in great quantities.
Other Notes: The castle in Galwick kind of looks like the fake Hogwarts at Universal Orlando.
Verdict: Laura Osnes is charming. The leads have pretty good chemistry. The movie is very cute. It got dusty in my living room for a moment at the ending. 4 stars, would watch again.
A Timeless Christmas (Hallmark)
Why I DVR’d It: It’s based on a book by Alexis Stanton, aka Zoe Archer/Eva Leigh, whose books I really like.
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? Well, we start in upstate New York in 1903. Our hero, Charles—a handsome, gravelly voiced man sporting a very 2020 scruffy beard—has a tiff with his fiancé, so she flits off to the city in a huff, and he stays home to fix a broken clock he intends to give her for Christmas. He fixes the clock and then magically travels to the present day. (The whole movie takes place in this little town upstate.)
The Meet Cute: The heroine, Megan, who I only know the actress who played Ted’s sister on a Christmas episode of How I Met Your Mother, is a costumed reenactor/tour guide at the mansion Charles owned. He arrives in the present day in the middle of a tour. A sequence of Charles comically insisting that he is Charles and nor a reenactor and then stumbling upon modern conveniences like cars and microwaves ensues.
Romance Is in the Air: Megan, it turns out, wrote her dissertation on Charles and is kind of obsessive about him, which means he can prove to her that he is who he says he is, and not a schizophrenic or a method actor. She takes him shopping for modern clothes and to eat pizza. As they montage their way through the town and her family’s Christmas traditions, she develops a crush on him. He wants to go back to 1903 and his fiancé, she tries to talk him into staying.
(No secondary romances in this one, although there’s a married couple who are both actors who also work at the mansion, and they have a cute moment at the end.)
Does it snow? No, but there is always snow on the ground.
Other Notes: Another movie that ends with everyone in formalwear. If I understand this correctly, if you fall in love at Christmas, you must be dressed to go to a ball when you share your first kiss.
The Verdict: I had a few niggles, but this movie is quite cute.
The Christmas House (Hallmark)
Why I DVR’d It: It was billed as Hallmark’s first movie featuring a gay couple!
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? We begin in LA, where an actor who looks vaguely familiar to me plays Mike, the star of a courtroom drama TV show called, and I am not making this up, Handsome Justice. His parents, Sharon Lawrence and Treat Williams, call him home (in or near Rhinebeck, NY) for something called “The Christmas House.” Arriving at the middle-of-nowhere airport at the same time is Mike’s brother, Brandon (played by Jonathan Bennett, aka Aaron Samuel from Mean Girls) and his husband, who have been trying to adopt a child. And it turns out that the titular Christmas House is the parents’ home, because they are hard core Christmas decorators.
The Meet Cute: Mike walks into his parents’ kitchen the morning after he arrives wearing too-small pajamas because the airline lost his luggage, and the literal girl next door, Andi, is sitting at the kitchen table. Mike and Andi clearly have some history. Andi has a precocious pre-teen son, and she and the boy get roped into helping with the Christmas House.
Romance is in the Air: Brandon and his husband are already married so it’s not a romance as such. I do like that nothing is made of it; they’re just part of the family. And they do kiss on screen! Which should not be remarkable! But it’s very cute!
And there are hints early on that not all is well between Treat and Sharon, so they have issues to work out before the end of the movie.
But the primary romance is between Mike and Andi. Mike is a Hollywood star, Andi is a single mom, and so Mike has to learn something about Priorities. We learn that Mike and Andi were childhood friends and Mike was in love with her as a teenager, but she broke his heart. Also, this is a Hallmark Christmas movie, so of course Mike and the pre-teen son get along famously.
Does it snow? It snows.
Other Notes: I looked it up, and I know the actor who plays Mike as Major from iZombie.
Andi and her mother have their neighbors over to make tamales, in case it was not clear from the last name Cruz that they are Latina.
The actors who play the teenaged versions of Mike and Andi in a flashback both look 30 and not much younger than actual Mike and Andi.
Not quite formalwear, but Andi is wearing a sparkly cocktail dress when she and Mike kiss the first time. Close enough, right?
The Verdict: Trope catnip—I love childhood friends to lovers. Actually, the dynamic between Mike and Brandon is maybe the best thing in the movie—very believable as brothers. But there is good chemistry between all the leads and their romantic partners, too. I really liked this one.
Christmas She Wrote (Hallmark)
Why I DVR’d It: According to the brief description I read, Danica McKeller plays a “romance writer.”
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? New York, where Danica McKeller is actually an advice columnist. After she gets laid off from her newspaper job, she decides to go home for Christmas to Pineberry, California.
The Meet Cute: Danica and her gay BFF attend their office Christmas party, where a square-jawed stranger steps on and rips her dress. They have a little moment. Then Danica’s editor announces his retirement. Her new boss is, of course, the square-jawed stranger from the party. His name is Trip Windham, which is an excellent newspaper editor name. He is very concerned about the bottom line and lays off half the newspaper staff, including Danica.
Romance Is in the Air: Trip Windham’s boss is pissed that Danica’s popular column got cut from the paper, so now Trip is tasked with getting her back, or else he’ll be fired. Danica won’t take his calls because she’s still mad he laid her off. So he goes to Pineberry to rehire her in person. She’s not having it. He says he won’t leave until she agrees to come back. She calls his bluff and invites him to various town holiday traditions. And what should be clear by now is that the best way to fall in love at Christmas is through cutting down Christmas trees, sipping hot cocoa, and ice skating. And then Danica’s ex shows up to complicate things. Also, Danica wears a lot of cute coats.
Meanwhile, Danica’s widowed sister, Amy, flirts with Ron, the editor of the local newspaper. (Danica takes a job at the paper mostly to spite Trip, but also Danica, Amy, and Ron all went to high school together. Danica went to high school with everyone in this town, by the way.)
And Danica’s gay BFF Stephen is also from Pineberry, and he washes up in town and connects with the owner of a local bar, who of course also went to high school with them. Danica comments late in the movie that they make a cute couple, which is true, but the raciest thing they do is stand next to each other.
Danica also plays matchmaker for two older people in town.
Does it snow? It snows.
Other Notes: The lady who works at the Pineberry Inn is also Megan’s mom from A Timeless Christmas.
Danica is a romance writer, but she never finished her first novel, and this ends up being part of the plot. Although, hoo boy, publishing does not work the way this movie thinks it does.
At one point, Trip declares that the people of Pineberry are “real.” Unlike those in New York, I guess? Because remember: city bad, quaint small town good.
The climax of the movie takes place at an event called the Snow Ball, so I think you can guess how it ends.
The Verdict: I enjoyed it, although the chemistry between Danica and Trip is not quiiiite there.
The Christmas Setup (Lifetime)
Why I DVR’d It: It’s the gay one of these.
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? We start in NYC. Hugo is an ambitious lawyer. He gives his boss an ultimatum: promote me or I’m leaving the firm. Without getting an answer, he goes home to Milwaukee for Christmas and brings his BFF Maddie with him. (I guess compared to NYC, Milwaukee is a small town?) Hugo’s mom is Fran Drescher.
Fran Drescher is in charge of a Christmas festival and signs Hugo and Maddie up for many holiday related activities.
The Meet Cute: A cute, beardy guy delivers a Christmas tree to the house when everyone but Hugo is out. Turns out, Hugo and this guy, Patrick, went to high school together. Hugo is so surprised to see his secret high school crush that he falls down the stairs. Patrick totally checks Hugo out, though. He’s so distracted, he leaves his gloves behind, providing Hugo with an excuse to go see him again. The second time Hugo sees Patrick, Maddie comes along, and Patrick assumes they’re a couple.
Patrick is a tech bro who invented an app called Cassandra that uses data to predict the future, and then he sold the app and “retired,” so make of that what you will. (And now he runs the tree lot with his dad.)
What relic of the town’s past do they have to save? The city plans to demolish an old train station that is the centerpiece of Fran Drescher’s Christmas festival.
Romance Is in the Air: As soon as Patrick figures out that Hugo is gay, he asks him out, but then Patrick has to miss the date for plot contrivance reasons, and also Hugo plans to go back to New York and is oblivious to Patrick’s intentions and Fran Drescher’s obvious matchmaking. But Patrick is persistent and asks Hugo out again. Also there are all those Christmas festival activities to attend, and I think we all know what that means.
There’s a scene where they all end up at a pop up gay bar with an open mic night, and Hugo gets talked into singing “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (I assume so he can cheekily sing, “Make the yuletide gay”) and it has shades of Patrick singing to David on Shitt’s Creek.
Hugo’s brother Aiden is in the Air Force and he comes home, too. He and Maddie hit it off.
Does it snow? It snows.
Other Notes: There’s this exchange: Fran Drescher is explaining how she protested the demolition of the train station and ended up in jail.
HUGO: You got arrested?!?!
FRAN DRESCHER: Oh, just a little.
(I love her.)
Hugo was on high school debate team! (I was on my high school debate team!)
No formal attire for the first kiss this time, so that is a break from form.
The Verdict: This one felt like it had the most emotional depth of the movies I watched. Also, there are TWO kisses. Escandalo! Seriously, though, I really liked this one. Would watch again!
Dashing in December (Paramount)
Why I DVR’d It: It’s the other gay one of these.
What big city does this all start in and what place in the country does it end up? We open in NYC, where venture capitalist Wyatt is at an office Christmas party and acting like an asshole. Then he makes meaningful eye contact with a beefy bartender. This opening scene tells us that Wyatt is a corporate dickhead and that he probably banged the bartender in a supply closet. I mean, I’m guessing. Then he goes home for Christmas to his mother’s dude ranch in Colorado. His mother is Andie McDowell.
The Meet Cute: Heath is a relatively new ranch hand. He has a little bit of an accent. (We learn later that he immigrated from Colombia.) We learn pretty quickly that Wyatt and Heath are both gay (although they don’t know about each other) so now that we’ve got that out of the way, Wyatt arrives at the ranch and steps in horse poop the moment he gets out of his cab. Then he puts his foot in his mouth in front of Heath twice. At dinner, Heath tells a cute story about how his horse and Wyatt’s horse are in love, and Wyatt is a dick about it. Heath is not impressed. I am not impressed, either.
What relic of the town’s past do they have to save? The ranch is struggling. Wyatt thinks his mother should sell it. Pretty much no one is on board with that idea, but neither can anyone think of a viable alternative.
Romance Is in the Air: Heath instantly dislikes Wyatt (justifiably so, IMHO). He softens a little when they get to talking and Wyatt admits Heath pinged his gaydar. Also, Heath finds out Wyatt has been paying to keep the ranch afloat, and that his dickery is mostly a defense mechanism. Cue the “getting to know you” activities, although these are ranch/cowboy themed more than holiday themed. There is horseback riding. There is line dancing at a country bar. There’s a very romantic but too-short scene where Wyatt and Heath two-step together. Also, Wyatt wears a lot of shawl-collared sweaters.
Wyatt’s childhood BFF/high school girlfriend, Blake, is married to a guy who is out of town, and she misses him.
A handsome retired ranch hand named Carlos is pretty into Andie McDowell.
Does it snow? No, but there is snow on the ground.
Other Notes: The Philadelphia cream cheese product placement is not even a little subtle.
This is an extraordinarily nerdy thing for me to notice, but Wyatt rides his horse English style on a Western saddle.
No formal attire for the first kiss here, either, so maybe that’s specifically a Hallmark thing, but there are Christmas lights. And horses.
The Verdict: The sexual tension between Wyatt and Heath really ramps up as the movie goes on. These two are almost too sexy for a chaste Christmas romance movie. I yelled, “OMG, just make out already” more than once. This was probably the sexiest of all the movies, and actually probably had the most kisses (I think there were three), but their physical contact is pretty much limited to a lot of intense hugging while they are both wearing coats, and mores the pity. (There is one scene where they accidentally see each other in their festive holiday underwear, but they do not touch in the scene.) Still, I enjoyed it.
Conclusions: I ended up liking all six movies. I’ve seen a few Hallmark holiday movies that were duds in the past, so I chose carefully, and made wise choices.
But here’s what I know about the universe of TV holiday movies:
- City bad, small town good. When the choice inevitably comes down to moving back to your small home town to be with your family and the love of your life or staying in the city you moved to in order to have a successful career, you are going to choose love and your home town.
- Putting up decorations together is an excellent way to accidentally on purpose brush against each other.
- Having at least one dead parent is a convenient excuse to act like a jerk and/or show that you have hidden depths of feelings.
- If your paths crossed in the past without you realizing it, clearly fate is at work.
- Snow is romantic and magical and not an annoyance you will have to shovel later.
- It’s possible to fall in love in two weeks or less, because The Magic of Christmas.