2021 Holiday Romance Movie Roundup

I had a lot of fun writing little summaries of last year’s crop of holiday romance movies, so I decided I’d do it again this year, except I watched many more movies (over a couple of weeks).

So here’s a rundown of Christmas romance movies I watched this season, in roughly the order I watched them! There were a lot, this is long. There are kittens, there are beloved character actors, there is often snow. Have yourself a merry and all that.

Title: Next Stop, Christmas

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: It’s a Back to the Future reunion with Lea Thompson and Christopher Lloyd!

Premise: Sliding Doors meets Back to the Future at Christmas

Plotty stuff: Workaholic doctor Angie (Lyndsy Fonseca) is a surgeon at a Manhattan hospital and is too busy to go home to her family at Christmas. One night, she goes out with a friend to a bar. She sees her ex, Tyler Grant (Eric Freeman), on TV there because he is now a well-known sportscaster. Ten years ago, they used to date, but she turned him down when he proposed. While at the bar, she runs into her (IMHO) much cuter childhood friend Ben (Chandler Massey). Ben had intended to go into family law but is a Manhattan corporate lawyer now instead, which seems like something that will be important later. Angie leaves the bar and goes to Grand Central to get the train home to the ‘burbs and buys a ticket from Christopher Lloyd. She boards a train, falls asleep, and wakes up ten years in the past on a different train with Tyler, headed toward her very picturesque hometown. Now Angie has the opportunity for a do-over with Tyler. Will she say yes this time? Will she recognize that Tyler is kind of a douche and Ben is a much better guy for her? Time will tell! Also, Lea Thompson plays her mother.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The name of the hometown is Shepherd’s Falls, and I’ve decided that counts.

Does it snow? It does in the background.

Other comments: Okay, not to be That Guy, but I call shenanigans on some of the train scenes, because that is NOT Grand Central, just saying. Aside from that, this movie was quite charming. One thing I think is bullshit, though, is that, once Angie works everything out in the past — it’s a Groundhog’s Day sort of thing where she can’t go back to her regularly scheduled life until she fixes a bunch of stuff she messed up ten years ago — she immediately goes back to the present, meaning she doesn’t get to experience ten years of her relationship with… the guy she ends up with. Still, Fonseca is great, and she has good chemistry with… the guy she ends up with. Also, she and… the guy… live in New York at the end of the movie rather than living in Shepherd’s Falls, because the city is not all bad, thank you very much. Also, Lea Thompson and Christopher Lloyd are national treasures.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, this one is legit good.

Title: A Christmas Treasure

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: American Idol winner Jordin Sparks

Premise: A writer thinks she is moving to the Big City to a life of fame and fortune as a novelist, except, whoops, she falls in love with a cute guy who just moved to town.

Plotty stuff: Small-town newspaper reporter and aspiring novelist Lou (Sparks) is getting ready to move to New York to finish her novel. Chef Kyle (Michael Xavier) is visiting from out of town and helping his aunt at her restaurant. Lou and Kyle meet when Kyle waits on her at the restaurant, and they are instantly attracted to each other. Before that goes anywhere, though, Lou’s family digs up a time capsule from 100 years ago and opens it in a big ceremony — Lou’s great grandfather was a town founder, and his diary is in the capsule. Lou and Kyle keep running into each other in town and do a series of Christmas-y activities together, such as decorating gingerbread houses, eating peppermint bark, and decorating a Christmas tree, and this is how you know they are falling for each other. Kyle is between jobs and thinks about opening his own restaurant in town, because, just in case it wasn’t obvious, Lou is so not moving to New York. In a not-at-all surprising parallel, Lou’s great grandfather’s diary contains a passage about how he almost moved to San Francisco for a job, but then realized everything he loved was in Pine Grove. What could it mean?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The town is called Pine Grove.

Does it snow? It does!

Other comments: I am a novelist who lives in New York, and I’m still like, “Lou has to move to New York to become a novelist because… why?” Still, Sparks is great in this. Xavier is very handsome, but a little flat. There are too many subplots, which divides up the focus a bit. So, mixed feelings on this, but Jordin Sparks does sing! Twice!

Should you track it down on streaming? The cast is very likable, but the movie is kind of a mess. Skippable.

Title: The Bitch Who Stole Christmas

Network: Vh1

Notable stars: RuPaul, a bunch of drag queens, Charo

Premise: Hallmark movie, but drag queens.

Plotty Stuff: Workaholic journalist Olivia (Krysta Rodriguez) is sent to a small town in New England to do an exposé on the town’s annual Winter Ball. Olivia puts on a wig and goes undercover as Maggie Zeen. She stays at an inn in the seedy part of town that is about to be torn down. As a way in to the Winter Ball she talks the broads of downtown into entering — it’s kind of a team beauty pageant — arguing that winning the crown would bring enough prestige to the inn that the town will want to keep it. Meanwhile, “Maggie” repeatedly runs into a hot guy named Russ (Andy Ridings) who works as the mayor’s head of security and keeps taking his shirt off. Also, Charo is… there.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? No, but the name of the town is Tuckahoe, a long-running Drag Race joke.

Does it snow? Alas, no.

Other comments: There’s more plot than I was expecting, which is why I’m including it on this write-up. It’s taking the Hallmark formula — young woman from The City goes to a small town and learns the true meaning of Christmas — and, well, adds drag queens. As such, not all of the acting is good, and if you’re a Drag Race fan, some of the jokes feel like retread cliches, but it was cute, and it’s a pretty solid parody of the genre.

Should you track it down on streaming? If you are a Drag Race fan and thought Jaymes Mansfield got a raw deal in her original run on the show, then sure. Otherwise, you can probably skip this one.

Title: One December Night

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: Bruce Campbell, Peter Gallagher, Didi Conn

Premise: The son and daughter of feuding musicians have to work together to put on a show, and there is romance.

Plotty stuff: Bruce Campbell and Peter Gallagher play a Simon & Garfunkel type singer-songwriter duo called Bedford & Sullivan. They broke up ten years ago. Now, they are reuniting, but Sullivan (Gallagher) is being a pain in the ass. (He’s the Garfunkel.) Music manager Quinn (Eloise Mumford), who is also Sullivan’s estranged daughter, is sent to a quaint small town where the reunion is being filmed to help with the show. Bedford (Campbell) is being managed by his son, Jason (Brett Dalton), and is forgetful in a foreshadowing anvil kind of way. Jason and Quinn grew up together, although the breakup of their fathers’ band created some short-lived animosity. Since both parents are being difficult, Quinn proposes she and Jason manage each other’s parents. They also orchestrate some “What? I had no idea you’d be here” style meetings of the parents. Will Bedford and Sullivan be able to patch up their differences? Will Quinn be able to stop herself from festooning every available surface with Christmas decorations, which is a thing she does for some reason? Does the fact that Quinn and Jason keep making out in front of Christmas decorations mean their love is true? Tune in to find out. Also Didi Conn is a waitress at the town’s diner and a Bedford & Sullivan superfan.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The quaint small town is called Pineville, although the whole town is like a big Bedford & Sullivan theme park.

Does it snow? Yup!

Other comments: Jasmine Forsberg, who seems to be an aspiring Broadway actor based on her resume, plays a singer-songwriter Quinn manages. She’s very good. I hope people hire her to do more things. Bruce Campbell and Peter Gallagher are, of course, both delightful and turn in much better performances than this movie deserves. The whole cast is better than the writing, actually, but this conflict has a little more bite than some of the others, which makes it a stronger movie, IMHO.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, mostly for the Bedford & Sullivan plot.

Title: A Kiss Before Christmas

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: It’s a Desperate Housewives reunion with Teri Hatcher and James Denton. Also Marilu Henner.

Premise: It’s a Wonderful Life with less suicidal ideation

Plotty stuff: Twenty years ago, do-gooders Ethan (Denton) and Joyce (Hatcher) met when they got trapped in an elevator together. Now they are married, live in Chicago, and have two teenagers. They have some financial issues and midlife ennui: their son wants to go to an expensive college; Ethan keeps not getting promoted and his boss (Henner) seems unimpressed with him; the car won’t start; Joyce’s hair is flat. One of Ethan’s coworkers offers him a dubiously ethical proposition that could finally get him that promotion and fix all his problems. Ethan still manages to mess it up because he doesn’t have it in him to be ruthless, so on Christmas Eve he has to go try to fix it and he runs into Santa Claus. He wishes he could have gotten in a different elevator on that fateful day and become more like his unscrupulous coworker so he could better support his family. Santa grants his wish, and he wakes up in an alternate universe where he and Joyce never met. In this alternate universe, Ethan is now co-owner and president of his big real estate firm, and Joyce is a lawyer with better hair who represents a youth center that Ethan’s company wants to tear down to… put up a parking lot? It’s not really important. The point is that shedding his do-gooder image gets Ethan all the money and success he wants, but he has no family in this alternate life. He figures he can just go back to his other life and be more of a shark, but Santa shows up to tell him that it doesn’t work that way and he has to Learn a Lesson first. Santa gives him until Christmas (25 days) to fix everything; if he doesn’t he’ll forget his old life and be stuck in the AU.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? Alas, no.

Does it snow? No.

Other comments: Someone put a filter on the flashback scene that opens the movie to age down the actors, and it is EXTREMELY weird. In the AU, Ethan has a coffee maker that looks like HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey, which is also extremely weird. I feel like it’s important to note that James Denton can still get it, and I would in a heartbeat. He and Teri Hatcher have good chemistry! Also, the ending is very satisfying.

Should you track it down on streaming? I say yes. It’s the Hallmark take on It’s a Wonderful Life, so the stakes are pretty low, but I still enjoyed it.

Title: The Nine Kittens of Christmas

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: Brandon Routh

Premise: The sequel to The Nine Lives of Christmas, the greatest Hallmark Christmas movie of all time.

Plotty stuff: Short summary of the previous movie: cats matchmake two humans into a romance at Christmas. Now, since we last saw our heroes, Marilee (Kimberley Sustad) and Zachary (Routh) have broken up. Marilee became a veterinarian and moved to Miami, where she has a hot boyfriend. But she comes home to a generic small town in Oregon, to spend Christmas with her sister’s family. The hot boyfriend is dispensed with pretty quickly — workaholic can’t make time for Marilee’s family blah blah — so Marilee is available to be charmed by Zachary all over again. It also becomes clear that she’s not that into being a Big City Vet. Marilee and Zachary of course run into each other in town shortly after Marilee arrives. Someone leaves a box of nine kittens left at the firehouse where Zachary works. The town vet has just retired, so Marilee agrees to take a look at the kittens and help Zachary find new homes for them. I think we all know where this is going, though. In an As you know, Bob, style talk with her sister, Marilee explains that she dumped Zachary because when she asked to take their relationship to the next level, he balked. (We’re told several times that Zachary hates change, although he seems to be doing just fine with renovating his house and with his boss/father figure retiring.) So, uh, gee… will Marilee move back to Oregon to live happily ever after with Zachary?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The kittens are named after Santa’s reindeer.

Does it snow? No. Guys, where is my “Oh, my god, we just fell in love and it’s snowing” scene? If I’m gonna sit through some cliché holiday magic, I need stuff like that.

Other comments: We have our first Actor Crossover of the season. Robyn Bradley plays the wife of the fire chief here. She was also Jordin Sparks’s mom in A Christmas Treasure. Her resume is basically Woman of a Certain Age in a Made-for-TV Movie. Aside from that, it struck me that, for exes, Zachary and Marilee have zero ill will for each other. Also, why are the cats/kittens in this movie never in carriers?!?!?! Marilee and Zachary just carry the kittens to their new homes. Marilee also calls Zachary a superhero on two separate occasions, because Brandon Routh played Superman, geddit? That’s about the level of sophistication you can expect, because, hoo boy, the writing in this movie is clunky and full of anvils. Routh’s acting is a little exaggerated, and it comes across like he’s aware he’s in a cliché-filled mess of a movie, but nobody else is. The kittens are awfully cute, though.

Should you track it down on streaming? Nah. You should track down the first movie, though!

Title: Single All the Way

Network: Netflix

Notable stars: Michael Urie and a cavalcade of great character actors: Kathy Najimy! Jennifer Coolidge! Barry Bostwick! Jocelyn from Schitt’s Creek!

Premise: A perpetually single guy brings his BFF home for Christmas, romantic shenanigans ensue.

Plotty stuff: Peter (Urie) is planning to take his new knock-off Hemsworth boyfriend home to a quaint small town in New Hampshire for Christmas, but it turns out said boyfriend is married to a woman. Worried about losing face after he tells his whole family he’s bringing his boyfriend home, he talks his BFF/roommate Nick (Philemon Chambers) into coming home with him. The plan is to pretend that Peter and Nick fell in love after all these years, but that’s quickly derailed by Peter’s mom Carol (Najimy) setting him up on a blind date. The date is with James (perennial Hallmark Christmas movie love interest Luke MacFarlane) who is indeed easy on the eyes. Despite all this, Peter’s father (Bostwick) and nieces think Nick and Peter should be together and tell Nick as much, which plants the seed in Nick’s mind that maybe he and Peter should be together. But, plot twist, Peter really likes James and also is thinking he should move back home from LA, because his character is nothing if not the heroine with the Big City job in a Hallmark Christmas movie. And, like, James is handsome in a soap actor kind of way, but how does Peter not notice that Nick walks around with bare arms all the time? So will Peter choose Nick or James? Jennifer Robertson (Jocelyn) plays Peter’s sister and Jennifer Coolidge is Peter’s crazy aunt.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? Carol insists everyone call her Christmas Carol. I’m pretty sure Nick’s name is Nick so that Carol can make a Saint Nick joke.

Does it snow? It does during the big love declaration! All my dreams!

Other comments: There are a lot of cheesy gay jokes, fair warning. And as an eccentric spinster aunt myself, I believe I should start dressing like Jennifer Coolidge’s character. Also, this movie is a complete delight.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, definitely.

Title: Time for Them to Come Home for Christmas

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: Jessy Schram, Allison Sweeney

Premise: Amnesia! Road trip!

Plotty stuff: Hold on, because this one has a lot of plot. We open on a sign that says “Welcome to Covington, Maine” and there’s a twangy country song playing over the opening credits. This song will play approximately 739 more times in this movie. Jessy Schram gets off a bus in this little town and, on her way to an inn, nearly gets hit by a car, and then falls in a river. Cut to a hospital where a handsome doctor named Paul takes care of her. The only clue about Jessy anyone has is a newspaper clipping about a tree lighting in Charleston, SC, with a note from someone named Mark. Jessy (we don’t know her name, but she doesn’t either!) insists on leaving the hospital AMA to go to Charleston. Since Paul is driving home to GA anyway, he volunteers to take her. Thus begins a road trip south. They stay at a quaint B&B! They decorate a Christmas tree! Ben’s tragic backstory is revealed! And wherever they go, people just give Jessy stuff. Then, shortly before they get to Charleston, Ben’s car breaks down. While they’re waiting for the car to be repaired, they find a dog who belongs to Hallmark movie mainstay Allison Sweeney in a kind of unnecessary cameo. They finally get to Charleston and Jessy runs into Mark, but she still has amnesia, so… something’s up but she has no idea what. While she’s puzzling this out, Paul sees her and assumes she’s back with her family and is sad because they decorated a Christmas tree together, so clearly they are in love. He takes off. So who is Mark? Why was Jessy in Maine? Who is the mean lady who yells at her? Will Jessy find Paul again?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? No, boo.

Does it snow? The movie starts with a blizzard.

Other comments: This movie really plays fast and loose with geography. Also, given the road trip nature of the story, there are a lot of “But there’s only one bed!” opportunities that get elided, because this is a Hallmark movie. I enjoyed that the neurologist comes up with some wild roundabout, “No, really, this is how amnesia works” science-y explanations, even though it is not at all how amnesia works, but I don’t care, because I love this trope, sue me. The movie is also a little more explicitly religious than the others — Jessy and Paul go to church together at one point. Casting-wise, I pretty much only know Jessy Schram because she played Hannah on Veronica Mars. Also, when the sheriff first shows up, I found him suspicious, but then I realized he is Betty’s dad on Riverdale, so there’s that.

Should you track it down on streaming? YMMV. It’s not bad, but it feels targeted at a demographic that is not me.

Title: A Christmas Village Romance

Network: Lifetime

Notable stars: None that I recognize.

Premise: A romance novelist from The City who has never been in love has to save a tourist village at Christmas.

Plotty stuff: We open on some B-roll footage of San Francisco. The first scene contains a lot of not-how-publishing-works shenanigans that we’re just gonna slide past, but the point is that Diana writes romance but has never been in love. Irony! In the next scene, her hunky cover model Greg (Olivier Renaud) comes by to see her. She has a crush on him and invites him to come with her to see the village of Maple Creek, where all her novels are set. (She writes historical westerns.) He agrees to drive her there, but he has hot plans to spend Christmas doing a triathlon, so he just drops her off and she chickens out on telling him how she feels. Right after he drives off, she embarrasses herself in front of history professor/handyman Carter (Jake Epstein). Carter has no respect for her work and she finds him annoying, so I think you can tell where this is going. But now she’s in Maple Creek, which is kind of a low-rent colonial Williamsburg but Western. Unfortunately, they don’t get many visitors anymore and don’t have enough money to stay open. Diana is determined to save Maple Creek. To do this, they basically turn Maple Creek into a theme park for her books and plan a fundraising gala. (Her approximate level of fame is, like, Diana Palmer or Linda Lael Miller, which is remarkable because if this actress is over thirty, I’ll eat a Christmas tree.) There’s a montage of Carter and Diana doing old timey stuff in period costume for… reasons. There’s a thunderstorm one night that knocks out the power, and Carter and Diana get stuck in her cabin together. Mostly they bicker, but Carter reveals that he’s been reading her books and now he grudgingly respects her because he thinks she’s talented. Just when Carter and Diana start really connecting, Greg shows up, because he’s got feelings for her. Oh no! Who will she choose? And will she save Maple Creek?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? Maple Creek should count. Why is a town near the west coast named “Maple”? (We don’t know exactly where it is, but it’s a 3-hour drive from San Francisco.) Don’t maple trees mostly grow in the northeast? Was the town founded by Canadian pioneers?

Does it snow? It does!

Other comments: Look, this is not how any of this works. I expect that movies like this are going to get publishing details wrong, but on top of that, Diana claims to be a recluse and completely freaks out when the manager of Maple Creek suggests she do a signing, even though there’s a runner about Diana insisting Maple Creek have a historically inaccurate Pony Express station because that’s where her characters met and her fans would expect it. (How is it possible for an author with seriously devoted to have never done a signing or public appearance anywhere? Is she Elena Ferrante? What is happening?) There’s no reason given for her being reclusive, and all it really takes to convince her to do the event is a pep talk from Carter. Also it sort of feels like the movie got edited together out of order, because they start decorating before everyone talks Diana into doing the signing. Also also, when Diana writes, she puts on a What Would Jane Austen Do? sweatshirt, because of course. Aside from that, Carter is planning to move to Montana to buy a ranch and also a friend has a professor job for him there, because that’s how the academia job market works. (Narrator: That’s not how the academia job market works.) Bottom line: none of this really makes any sense. Given that most of what Diana and Carter argue about is the research she does for her novels, you’d think the writers would have also done some research, maybe? But alas.

Should you track it down on streaming? The romance is cute, but most of this movie is complete nonsense, so I’d skip it. (It’s listed as A Maple Creek Christmas on IMDB in case it’s otherwise hard to track down.)

Title: Christmas with a Crown

Network: Lifetime

Notable stars: None in this one.

Premise: Secret royals!

Plotty stuff: We open on B-roll footage of New York at Christmas. Cassie (Lisa Durupt) has a Wall Street boyfriend who wants to move in together, which he tells her when she’s in a cab to the airport, and she makes a face like she’s gonna vomit. Then she’s home in some quaint small town where the annual winter festival has been canceled! Oh no! Meanwhile, the prince of some mountainous European principality has gone missing! Cut to a handsome, square-jawed man (Marcus Rosner) rolling into the quaint small town. Cassie and the square-jawed fella literally bump into each other at the library and get off on the wrong foot. The library is also about to close because everything is falling to pieces. Cassie decides to fix everything by reviving the Winter Festival as a fundraiser for the library. Nicolas (the square-jawed prince) volunteers to help her. His reasons for being in town are convoluted. We’re rolling with it. But both Nicolas and Cassie have deadlines. Cassie’s boyfriend, who is clearly a slimeball, needs her to come home to do a presentation to their bosses with him on Christmas Eve. Nicolas just turned 35, which means he is supposed to be crowned king on Christmas Day, and if he doesn’t show up, the monarchy will be dissolved. Cue the festival preparation montage. If I’ve learned nothing else from this year’s crop of holiday romance movies, it’s that putting up Christmas decorations together is how you fall in love. Will Cassie go back to her slimeball boyfriend? How will she react when she finds out Nicolas lied? Will the festival save the library? Will Cassie at least go back to New York to get her stuff so that this particular plot hole doesn’t bother me like a pea under my mattress?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The town is called Wintervail.

Does it snow? It does.

Other comments: Everyone in the Mountainous European Principality has an unconvincing British accent. The prince does, too, but he has a Canadian accent when he’s pretending not to be a prince. (IMDB says the actor is from British Columbia, so I guess that explains it.) Also, I don’t know if the set designers of these movies have ever been to, like, Buckingham Palace, but the castles always look like what a five-year-old thinks a castle is. The exterior of this one looks like it’s made out of cardboard. Also, the royal succession/coronation stuff makes zero sense.

Should you track it down on streaming? This movie clearly had a budget of about seven dollars. If the royal trope is your catnip, there’s a lot to like here, but I’ve seen this trope done better in other holiday romance movies.

Title: The Holiday Fix-Up

Network: Lifetime

Notable stars: Jana Kramer, Maria Menounos

Premise: Second-chance romance + HGTV

Plotty stuff: Interior designer Sam (Kramer) hosts an HGTV-style show. She sees on the news that a storm rolled through her hometown and a tree fell on an inn, so the inn’s annual holiday festival will have to be canceled. Her network wants her to do more social media where she shows off her personality, so she decides to make the inn her project, about which she’ll film little videos. The inn’s owner hires a local contractor to help, who turns out to be her ex-boyfriend, Coop (Ryan McPartlin). It’s quickly evident that the entire town is engaged in some kind of conspiracy to push Sam and Coop together. Things between them are awkward and antagonistic at first — he thinks all the stuff she’s doing for social media is silly, and they both have strong opinions on how the project should be done. But, as these things go, once they start truly working as a team, most of that melts away. Heavy-handed hints are dropped that Coop had a good reason for ending the relationship that Sam doesn’t know about. How will Sam react when Coop finally tells her the whole truth? Can he get her to stay even after her boss calls her back to film a live holiday special? Maria Menounos plays Coop’s sister/Sam’s old friend.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? The town’s name is Bell Harbor.

Does it snow? No, but a snow machine gets involved for a scene with a very dramatic snowball fight.

Other comments: This is a solid holiday romance movie with an actual conflict and good chemistry between the protagonists. It got a little dusty in my living room at the end.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, I liked this one.

Title: The Christmas House 2: Deck Those Halls

Network: Hallmark

Notable stars: Sharon Lawrence, Treat Williams, Jonathan Bennett

Premise: The sequel to last year’s The Christmas House; brothers compete in a Christmas decorating competition.

Plotty stuff: So the gist of The Christmas House was that Treat Williams and Sharon Lawrence are one of those couples that make their house over the top on Christmas. They have two adult sons, Mike (Robert Buckley) and Brandon (Bennett). Mike is an actor, the star of a legal drama called Handsome Justice. Brandon is a baker with a husband and two adopted children. In the first movie, Mike reconnected with his childhood best friend Andi and they fell in love. This year, both brothers want quiet Christmases with their families, but that gets dashed pretty quickly when the celebrity edition of one of those shows about holiday decorating recruits Mike to do an episode. Because of a plot contrivance, the producer decides it should be a brother vs. brother competition. Most of the movie is about the decorating competition, but there are some emotional notes, too. Brandon feels like he’s missing out on his kids’ lives because he works so much, and he has a little bit of an inferiority complex where his handsome actor brother is concerned. Mike wants to propose to Andi, which she totally knows, and spends part of the movie trying to find the perfect ring. He’s also trying to connect with Andi’s tween son, Noah. Noah’s dad, who is rich, handsome, and has a British accent, shows up, too. At one point, the friendly competition crosses the line and Mike and Brandon get genuinely mad at each other. Will Mike and Brandon fess up to what they’re really upset about? Will Mike find a way to propose? And which brother will win the trophy?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? No, but this movie has more Christmas decorations per square foot than any of the others.

Does it snow? No.

Other comments: This is really fun. Also, we get an actor crossover; the host/head judge of the show is also the queen from Christmas with a Crown. I think the movie doesn’t totally work as a standalone, though, so track down the first one for context.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes. I really liked this one. But definitely watch the first movie first.

Title: A Clüsterfünke Christmas

Network: Pop

Notable stars: Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Cheyenne Jackson

Premise: It’s a Hallmark movie parody!

Plotty stuff: We open on B-roll footage of New York at Christmas. Workaholic businesswoman Holly (Vella Lovell) just lost a big account for the giant hotel chain she works for. Her boss offers her a second chance and sends her to Yuletown, ME, to buy a quaint little inn. (And if she doesn’t close the deal, she’s fired.) The inn is run by sisters Hildy (Gasteyer) and Marga (Dratch) Clüsterfünke. It’s also falling apart. The sisters call in their nephew Frank (Jackson) to do repairs. Holly’s a total snob to him, and they argue in a “he’s obviously the love interest” way. The next morning, Holly tries to find coffee in town (no one sells coffee in Yuletown, only hot cocoa) and meets Percy (Nils Hognestad), a walking gay stereotype whom she declares her new bestie. Holly and Frank grow closer through a series of unlikely incidents. They go on a date, and when Frank brings Holly back to the inn, Holly’s ex Chance (Ryan McPartlin) is there to ask for Holly back. He’s a complete douchenozzle, but Frank of course gets the wrong idea. Holly starts to fall in love with the town, but various characters keep eavesdropping on her conversations with Chance and assume she doesn’t care about Yuletown and is just there to buy the inn. Has Holly screwed up her whole life? While she choose Chance or Frank? Will she learn a lesson? Will there be a Happily Ever After?

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? I mean, Holly goes to Yuletown. And Frank names the dog that follows Holly around Blitzen.

Does it snow? It does, largely for comedic effect.

Other comments: Hey, Ryan McPartlin again! More importantly, it’s a very knowing parody that understands the genre well, right down to the music, and parts of it are legit hilarious. (Cheyenne Jackson looks a little rough, but I can’t figure out if that’s deliberate or not.)

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, definitely!

Title: A Castle for Christmas

Network: Netflix

Notable stars: Brooke Shields, Cary Elwes

Premise: Antagonists cohabitate at a castle at Christmas.

Plotty stuff: Sophie Brown (Shields) is a bestselling author whose readers are mad because she killed off a beloved character. Sophie is kind of losing her mind because she just went through a messy divorce and her fans are staging public protests. (Her approximate level of fame is maybe Janet Evanovich?) She decides to get out of town and flies to Scotland. She stays at a quaint little inn, where she meets and befriends a group of knitters who hang out at the pub. Myles (Elwes) works at Dunbar Castle, which Sophie is obsessed with. He gives her a tour of the castle, but she wanders off, and he gets mad at her. It turns out Myles is the 12th Duke of Dunbar and owns the castle, but he can’t afford its upkeep. Sophie has a family connection to the castle, too (no relation to Myles, though). She falls in love with and decides to buy it. Myles cooks up a scheme to let her but then run her off so he can keep her deposit without giving up the castle. One of his conditions is that she move into the castle immediately so he can show her how to take care of it before he moves out. The castle is indeed falling apart. Sophie has good reading comprehension skills, so she knows what’s up when she signs the contract and is thus determined to stick it out. Sophie and Myles spar but also start to fall for each other. He tells her a story about an early Duchess of Dunbar who held a ball in the castle at Christmas every year and invited the whole village, so Sophie decides she should do the same to create a big climax for the movie. But Myles is really bitter about her buying the castle and may not be able to overcome that.

Is there a character or town with a cute Christmas-y name? No.

Does it snow? It does!

Other comments: I love that the Scots are like, “Why didn’t you kill off that guy sooner?” to Sophie about her books. Also, if Myles is the duke, the property is probably entailed, so I don’t think Sophie can just buy it? Eh, facts, who needs ’em. Elwes’s Scottish accent is not always convincing, and he wears a lot of makeup, which I found distracting. The supporting cast is fantastic, though, and everyone wears a lot of great sweaters. Also, the dress Sophie wears to the ball is gorgeous and I covet it.

Should you track it down on streaming? Yes, it’s very cute.

And that’s it! Probably enough Christmas movies for one year. See you next year!